Emotional Roller Coaster

If you don't like roller coasters, don't adopt.  Just kidding!!!  But in all seriousness, it's amazing how much the adoption journey is like a roller coaster.  There are so many highs, lows, ups, down, turns, and thrills.  One minute you're on cloud nine and the next you're at the bottom of the pit.  But through it all, I'm reminded that God has called us to this journey, His grace is sufficient, and when I am weak, He is strong.

Three weeks from today we will be in China.  I am overwhelmed at this fact.  THREE WEEKS FROM TODAY WE WILL BE IN CHINA.  Yup, overwhelmed.  I'm overwhelmed with all that I need to do in the next three weeks before leaving.  To name a few: having family in town for a long weekend visit; thinking ahead to Thanksgiving and trying to buy things now for that special holiday which is the week after we return home; packing for myself, Shelby, and Jenna; and preparing things for the boys while they are here with Grandparents. 

Lately I've been overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions, too. 

Anxious about the adventure that lies ahead.  Anxious and sad about leaving Nathan and Andrew behind and questioning if we made the right decision to not take them to China, too.    Anxious about the long plane rides there and back.  Anxious about our family changing from five to six.  And anxious about how Jenna will react to us on Gotcha Day and beyond.  ANXIOUS!

Excited about the adventure that lies ahead.  Excited to travel to a new country, the birthplace of our fourth child.  Excited to see Jenna face-to-face, hold her in my arms, and whisper in her ear that I love her.  EXCITED!

Scared about the adventure that lies ahead.  Scared about how I will communicate with Jenna since she doesn't know English.  Scared about so many unknowns.  Scared about how Nathan, Shelby and Andrew will react to Jenna and how she will react to them.  SCARED!

Thankful for the adventure that lies ahead.  Thankful that we will finally get to provide a forever family to the little girl that God has called us to love and cherish.  Thankful for all the love, prayers and support we have been given throughout this journey.  Thankful that Jenna has so many people excited to welcome her home.  Thankful for Lifeline Children's Services and all the amazing people who have walked with us and will continue to do so.  Thankful for God adopting us into His family.  THANKFUL!

Anxious.
Excited.
Scared.
Thankful.

These are the primary emotions dominating my heart and mind right now.  The highs of excitement and thankfulness.  The lows of anxiety and fear.  I wish I could say I had no anxiety or fear, but I'd be lying!  I am thankful that God is with me on this roller coaster. 

Lord, help me to trust you in these final weeks before we travel to China.  I confess I am scared and anxious.  Thank you for being with me through every twist, turn, high, and low.  AMEN.