Mother's Day 2013 has come and gone, but my reflections and thoughts about this special day are still in the forefront of my mind. The day was FULL of emotion--tears, joy, laughter, more tears, more joy, and more laughter. I woke to my precious Shelby with arms wide open wanting to hug me while whispering, "Happy Mother's Day" into my ear. Then the boys, Nathan and Andrew, came into our room and also hugged me and said those three sweet words. But while hugging and cuddling in bed with my three precious children, tears welled up in my eyes...tears of thankfulness and joy for the HUGE blessings they are to me and how MUCH I love them; and tears of sadness as I miss my own mom so very much and I also miss our daughter, their sister, Jenna, who isn't with us yet. The children asked about my tears and I explained this to them...and throughout the day there was more explaining about my tears, as they came often.
I truly believe it is important for my children to see me cry--to let them know that I miss my mom, I miss our daughter/their sister in China, and that this Mother's Day is like none other I've ever experienced before. Never before have I had a Mother's Day without my mom. Never before have I longed to hug and kiss another precious child that is thousands of miles away. And never before have I pondered what our Jenna's birthmother must be going through 2+ years after giving birth to a baby girl that needed medical help. I don't know her story, and I may never know many details, but I do know that I am so VERY thankful that she chose life! I am so VERY thankful that she had the courage to entrust others to care for her sick baby girl when perhaps she felt like she couldn't. And I am SO VERY THANKFUL that the Lord has blessed our family with the opportunity to love for this precious girl forever!
I will always remember my amazing mom on Mother's Day (and everyday) and miss her with my whole being. I will always remember Jenna's birthmother on Mother's Day (and every day) and be thankful that she chose life!
But with all of this in mind, there is a never again in this story, too. Never again will I have three children to embrace on Mother's Day. As much as I LONG to have Jenna home with our family, I am also reminded that our family is about to change big time...we are going from a party of five to a party of six! The wait to bring Jenna home is downright HARD, but one of the greatest lessons I'm learning from those that have gone before me in the adoption journey and from professionals with Lifeline, our adoption agency, is to cherish time with the children God has given me TODAY. I was reminded of this while watching Nathan, Shelby, and Andrew play in a creek near downtown Atlanta on Mother's Day, and today, three days later, I was reminded of this as we played hide-and-seek in the backyard. Cherish the moments!!!
Jenna...the Lord is using our journey to you to teach me so many things. I cannot wait to see you, hug you, and one day hear YOU say, "Happy Mother's Day!"
It's amazing how much you can learn on a single day, a day like none other!
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12