Question Marks

My mind is filled with question marks right now:

*When will I get an e-mail saying we are "LID" (Log-In-Date), meaning all of our paperwork is finally logged-in to the CCCWA, China's governing body for adoption?

*When will I get phone calls or e-mails with referrals of little girls in China needing a forever family?

*When will Jason and I accept a referral, saying "YES" to one special girl that we will call our daughter and welcome into our family?

*When will I get to put our daughter's picture in the frames beside her big brothers and big sister?

*When will we get to travel to China to finalize our adoption and bring Jenna home?

*Who is Jenna and when will I get to see her face?

*What province in China does Jenna live in and is she in an orphanage or a foster home?

*Who takes care of Jenna and is she being loved by her caregivers?

*What type of special need(s) does Jenna have?

*How is Jenna going to respond to me on the first day I meet her?

*How is Jenna going to respond to her new home and her new family?

These are only a few of the questions swirling in my mind as we approach the eight month mark since submitting our application to our adoption agency saying "YES" to God's call for us to adopt.  Now that I know our paperwork is finally in China, I seem to be counting the days and checking my e-mail even more compulsively...so I can only imagine how this must be once we get really close to traveling to get our daughter!

Most of these questions are so different than what I experienced with the three pregnancies I had with our biological children.  Of course I wondered what they would look like and until the 20-week ultrasound I wondered if I was carrying a boy or a girl.  But other than that, I knew that approximately 40 weeks after the sheer joy of discovering I was pregnant, I would give birth to a son or daughter and I would love my child unconditionally and at first sight.  In fact, as I drove by the hospital yesterday where our daughter Shelby and son Andrew were born in 2006 and 2008, I couldn't help but think how very different things are with adoption:  there are no prenatal doctor visits, no growing belly, no morning sickness, no ultrasounds, no kicks in the ribs, no back pain, and no natural birth labor pains. 

But oh there is pain...the pain of all these question marks swirling in my mind AND the pain in my heart knowing there are more than 147 million orphans around the world in need of a loving family.  One day most of my questions about Jenna will be answered, but until that day, I must continue to focus on the ONE who has all the answers and the ONE who is holding Jenna until I am able to wrap her in my arms. 

And when it comes to the other millions of orphans around the world who are still waiting to be adopted, I also must entrust them to the Lord and pray for families to open their hearts and their homes. 

Regardless of all the question marks, regardless of all the unknowns...adoption is a beautiful!

"And whoever welcomes a little child like

this in my name welcomes me." Matthew 18:5