A Tale of Two Brothers

"Sometimes being a big brother is even better than

being a super hero." ~Marc Brown

 



My parents had four children, two boys and two girls, and I am the oldest.  Therefore, I never had the blessing of a big brother to look after me and protect me.  Don't get me wrong, my younger brothers are AWESOME...I am so thankful for them and love them so much!  But now that I'm a parent of two boys and two girls, I realize how great it would've been to have a big brother.

One of my greatest concerns about adoption was how it would affect our three biological children.  Would they love their little sister?  Would they accept her even though she looks very different from them?  Would they know they are loved just as much as their little sister?  And the questions in my heart went on and on and on...

Since I have a sister, I felt pretty certain that Shelby would bond well with Jenna.  She'd been wanting to have a little sister for so long and couldn't contain her excitement when we told her we were adopting a little girl from China.  Fast forward over a year to when Shelby went to China and WOW...these girls bonded right away.  Praise the Lord!

But how would Nathan and Andrew feel about another girl in the house?

 

Nathan is my competitive, adventurous boy.  He's a thinker and not as emotional, usually keeping his feelings inside unless I'm able to pull them out.  When I asked Nathan about how he felt about adoption soon before leaving for China, he opened up a little by saying "It's going to change everything."  I listened to what he had to say and then shared that some things would certainly change but not everything, including my love for him.

Andrew is my strong-willed but very lovable boy.  He's a bundle of energy and makes me laugh every day.  And no matter what, he'll always be my baby boy.  I was concerned that he would he feel "dethroned" or loved less since he was no longer the baby of the family.  During our adoption process, Andrew often prayed for Jenna and talked about how he couldn't wait to have her home with us.  But I often wondered if his four-year-old mind understood what it meant to have a little sister.

Once again, God has done exceedingly more than I could have ever asked or imagined (Ephesians 3:20). 

Five months home and I can confidently say that Nathan and Andrew absolutely love and adore their new little sis! 

Now don't get me wrong...there are still arguments and sibling rivalry, particularly between Andrew and Jenna.  He's only five years old and likes to aggravate his three year old sister...that's pretty normal behavior for any little boy.  But by and large, I'm continually amazed at how much Nathan and Andrew love Jenna.  And it's pretty obvious that the feelings are mutual...Jenna adores them!  She calls Nathan "Dan" (probably trying to say "Than") and Andrew is "Drew."  Jenna loves playing with her big brothers, often following them outside to jump on the trampoline, upstairs to their room to play with Nerf guns, or snuggling on the sofa to watch her favorite movie, "Frozen." 

And of course, Nathan, Andrew, and Jenna all love Shelby ("Be" is what Jenna calls her).  I pray these four are always the best of friends!

Nathan, our adoption of Jenna hasn't changed everything, but it certainly has changed us!

Lord, I feel so blessed to be the mother of four amazing children.  Thank you for the love they have for one another now...I pray it continues to grow throughout their lives.  Help me to nurture and love them in a way that glorifies You.  Thank you for answering my prayers, changing us, and continuing to work miracles!  AMEN.

Little Did She Know

March 25, 2013 was a moment in time that forever changed my heart as a mom.  But it was the next 48 hours that would change our life as a family...forever. 

Once our adoption agency shared He Tong's file with us on that memorable March night last year, we had a mere 48 hours to decide if we wanted her as our daughter.  Those 48 hours were filled with pressure, prayer, and ultimately peace. 

Pressure to talk with doctors about He Tong's medical condition and understand what her needs would be once home.

Prayer to our Heavenly Father for wisdom to know His will for our family.

Peace knowing God was with us and desired this precious little girl to be in our family...forever.

On the night of March 27, 2013, we submitted our Letter of Intent (LOI) to Lifeline, stating that we wanted to adopt He Tong...another moment in time I'll never forget.

But little did she know that a family thousands of miles away wanted her and trusted God for her.

Did we have all the answers about He Tong's medical condition?  NO.

Did we have all the answers about He Tong's family history? NO.

Did we have all the answers about He Tong's care in the orphanage?  NO.

Did we trust God with all of these unknowns?  YES!!!

We could not lean on our own understanding.  We had to choose to TRUST.

And here we are, March 27, 2014, one year later with one happy girl!

 

Has it been easy to trust?  NO.

 

Is she worth it? YES!!!

 





God, there are so many unknowns in life...so many unknowns with adoption.  Thank you for being faithful, for showering us with grace and peace amidst the unknowns.  AMEN.

A Moment In Time

There are moments in life that you seem to never forget, when one moment in time can change the course of your life forever.  Some of these moments in time are difficult and painful.  Other moments are pure joy! 

One of these moments in time was a year ago when I saw my daughter for the very first time.  March 25, 2013 will always be the day that God changed my heart as a mom.  Even though Jenna's face was on a computer screen because she was thousands of miles away in an orphanage in China, it was love at first sight. 

I vividly remember being so nervous on March 25th last year because that was the day that the "shared list" was to be released.  This is a list of precious children needing families that all adoption agencies that work in China have access to in order to try to match children with families waiting to adopt.    I tried not to get my hopes up but as the day went by with no call from Andrea at Lifeline, our wonderful adoption agency, I have to admit I was sad.  I was SOOOOO ready to see our daughter's face, to know who she was.  But as the hours passed, it looked like it may be longer for that moment in time to happen...

Then at 10:07 PM, not only a call but also an e-mail came from Andrea.  She called to say that she'd sent an e-mail with a file of a little girl that she wanted us to review. 

I. WAS. SHAKING. 

I remember praying, asking God, "Could this be our daughter?" even before we opened up the e-mail. 

And as soon as I saw her picture, God answered my prayer.

"Yes, this is your daughter."

A moment in time that I was forever changed as a mom. 

I had been so afraid to adopt, wondering if I would be able to love a child as much as the three that I had carried in my womb.  And in that one moment, all fear was erased as I looked into the face of our Jenna Jean.

God, thank you for changing my heart and teaching me so much about you through a little girl that needed a family.  I pray that I will be the mom she needs me to be and that she will know deep in her heart that she is wanted and loved by her family and mostly by you.  AMEN.

Emotional Miscarriage

Yesterday marked three months since our "Gotcha Day," the day we finally met our sweet Jenna, a day I'll certainly never forget.

But before we could meet Jenna, many things had to happen.  A lot of this blog has chronicled for family, friends, myself, and most of all, for Jenna, the journey God had us on throughout our adoption process.

One question that people still ask me quite often is, "How did you find Jenna?"

Well, the truth is, God found her for us.  I believe that with all of my heart!

But from a "practical" perspective, I thought I'd share some of the nuts-and-bolts of how children from China are placed with their forever families, as well as how God led us through a difficult time in our journey to Jenna.

Lifeline Children's Services, our wonderful adoption agency, is one of several agencies that places children from China with families.  Some families wait years, and I mean YEARS (as in 8-10 years) for a baby from China that has no special needs.  However, due to this long wait, most families that adopt from China choose to adopt a child with medical special needs.

On part of their website, Lifeline has information about a lot of children in China that are ready to be adopted.  Anyone interested in these children has access to this information.  Lifeline has partnerships with several orphanages throughout China, and many of the children shown on their website are in one of these partnership orphanages.

Many families look at this website and others to find their sons and daughters.  Other families choose to wait to be "matched" with a child from what is called the shared list, a list of children that are ready to be adopted that all adoption agencies have access to.  Lifeline receives this shared list on a monthly basis, and it was from this list that we found our Jenna.

I was told by our adoption agency that on the night of March 25, 2013, files of new children would released on the shared list.  I was on pins and needles that entire day, wondering if our Jenna would be on that list.  And sure enough, my dear friend from Lifeline, Andrea Sisler, called me just after 10 PM that evening to tell me she'd sent me an e-mail with a referral of a little girl.  And the rest is history.  We saw our Jenna for the first time on a computer screen that night.  Jason and I accepted the referral 48 hours after A LOT of prayer and discussion with one another and medical professionals.  Our daughter in China was found!

But long before March 25th, there was another little girl that I thought might be our Jenna. 

It was October 27, 2012 that I first saw her face on the Lifeline website.  I was captivated by her eyes and little grin and immediately showed her picture to Jason.  He didn't really understand how I could feel so "connected" to a picture on a computer screen, but I did.  Then I realized her special need was spina bifida, which was a bit more severe than Jason and I had agreed on, though I think the nurse in me and the mom in we was more open to more severe special needs.

Over the next 2+ months, I could not get this little girl out of my mind.  We got more information about her medical condition and the whole time, Jason was not feeling the same as me.  He and I had many long, difficult discussions and nothing changed...I thought this little girl could be our Jenna and he did not.  Finally, on January 4, 2013, we had to give Lifeline our answer and as hard as it was for me to say the word "no," I told Andrea that we would not be moving forward with adopting this precious little girl. 

I felt like I'd had an emotional miscarriage.

So many emotions were swirling in my heart and mind...intense grief, anger, and guilt.

But through this heartache, there was good news...A LOT of good news.

I learned several things through that 2+ month experience.  I learned that this is a common part of the adoption journey...to fall in love with a child that isn't meant for your family.  I learned that it is okay to say "no" to a child because that opens the door for another family to welcome them into their home and hearts.  I learned that I need to submit and trust my husband's decision as the leader of our family.  And I learned to trust God's timing for when I would finally know who Jenna is.

More good news.  The week after we said "no" to this little girl, I was told that she was going to be adopted by an amazing family* that already had a child with spina bifida.  My heart swelled with joy knowing that this orphan would in be a forever family that would love her and meet her needs.

And more good news.  One evening while Shelby, Jenna and I were in Guangzhou, China, I saw this little girl with her family walking along the same street near our hotel.  Because of Lifeline's amazing group on Facebook, I knew that we might be in China at the same time...and sure enough, that was the case.  It brought me so much joy to see this little girl in the arms of her momma while I had my precious daughter in my arms.  GOD IS SO FAITHFUL, which leads me to the best news.

Ultimately, the best news is that through my emotional miscarriage, God led us to our daughter that I know was meant to be in our family.

 

 

So whether it's through a "shared list" or searching websites looking at pictures of orphans in need of forever families, God places children where they need to me.  Do all adoptions work out?  Unfortunately, no.  But God is sovereign and I firmly believe His perfect plan will ultimately prevail. 

And I'm blessed to get to see a small glimpse of His amazing plan unfold in the life of Jenna.


*I asked permission from this family to share my story.  They will always hold a special place in my heart!

A Time to Celebrate, A Time to Grieve

Birthdays.  When we’re children, we can’t wait to celebrate with family, friends, cake, balloons, and presents.  But as we age, we often dread our birthday since it signifies another year of getting older.  Yet one thing I’ve realized fresh and anew throughout our adoption journey is how special EVERY birthday is because EVERY life matters.

I get emotional at each of my children’s birthday parties and especially when I put them to bed at night, reflecting on how fast they are growing up and how much I love them.  And I felt no different with Jenna this past weekend when she spent her first birthday with her forever family as she turned three years old.

Six months ago, I took Nathan, Shelby and Andrew to get cupcakes in Jenna’s honor to celebrate her turning 2 ½ since we couldn’t be with her.  Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in the orphanage in Heyuan City, China, Jenna was celebrating with her friends and nannies with a birthday cake we sent her through a care package service.  Seeing pictures of her eating cake brought me to tears as I couldn’t wait to have her home for her third birthday. 

We were told that Jenna was born on February 1, 2011, which was close to the time of Chinese New Year.  And every year, Jenna’s special day will fall close to this festive Chinese holiday.  So on Friday, January 31^st, the start of Chinese New Year 2014, I fixed a Chinese dinner, decorated the dining room, and the girls and I wore our Chinese dresses to celebrate!

 

On Saturday, February 1^st, Jenna woke to balloons and streamers hanging in her honor as she came downstairs.  She was all smiles...until one of her balloons popped! 

Nathan and Shelby had Upward basketball/cheerleading games, so after watching them in action, we all loaded into the van and drove an hour to a Chinese restaurant in Atlanta to join LOTS of other adoptive families to eat, fellowship, and celebrate Chinese New Year.  It was very special being surrounded by so many other families with the same heart for orphans.  And it was VERY moving to be surrounded by so many beautiful children that God placed into forever families (Psalm 68:6).

 

 

Once home from this special dinner event, it was finally time for presents and cake.  Jenna had fun opening presents from us as well as from her Mammy and Pappy who were able to come join us for this special weekend.  And after making Jenna’s ladybug cake, it brought me so much joy seeing her face light up when she saw it.

 

 

After such a busy day, Jenna was super tired and ready for bed.  I always enjoy our “bedtime routine” of reading a book, praying, and singing “Jesus Loves Me,” but the night of her birthday was extra special for me. 

As I held Jenna in my arms singing to her, I didn’t want to let her go.  I cherished the feel of her little hands wrapped around my neck and thanked God for her life.  And as I closed her door that night, my heart was full of thanksgiving for a wonderful day of celebrating Jenna’s life. 

But my heart was also full of sadness.

You see, throughout all of these celebrations, my heart and mind were thinking of my mom and Jenna’s birthmother.

I struggled this weekend with missing my mom A LOT since she couldn't be here to celebrate Jenna's birthday.  She was always the best at making my siblings and I feel so special on our birthdays as children and even as adults.  I know she would've loved to see Jenna smile at the sight of her cake and watch her tear open her presents.  But most of all, I know my mom would have been moved to tears at the fact that Jenna's life has been changed forever by the Lord since she now has a family who wants to make her feel cherished on her special day and EVERY day.  

And throughout the weekend I thought a lot about Jenna's birthmother.

I can’t help but wonder if she’s somewhere in China thinking of her daughter on her third birthday. 

I can’t help but want to thank her for choosing to give her precious baby girl life. 

I can’t help but think of the heartache she was feeling when she realized her baby girl was sick when she gave birth.

I can’t help but wonder where she found the courage to leave her sick baby girl on the side of a busy road one week later.

And I can’t help but want to show her birthmother what an amazing, beautiful little girl she is three years later.

Most adoption stories are a mix of joy, thanksgiving, heartache, and grief.  On Jenna's birthday, I experienced all of these emotions big time and expect to feel these similar feelings throughout my life as her mom.   

 

Heavenly Father, thank you for the gift of life and life abundant in You.  Thank you for Jenna's precious life and bringing her into the life of our family.  I pray that wherever her birthmother is that she somehow knows in her heart that her baby girl is alive and deeply loved.  Thank you for choosing me to be her mother.  And thank you for the amazing mom you gave me.  I miss her so much, God, but I am thankful she is with You and completely healed.  Please give her a big hug from me.  AMEN.

Two Months Home: "Honeymoon" is over

Recently I was out at a restaurant with the kids and a friend of mine asked me, "So is it as easy as you make it look?"  I tried hard not to laugh out loud TOO loudly, but I did have to chuckle.

Whether we're out in a public place or putting pictures on Facebook, it's easy to make things look "easy."  But if we're honest, is being a parent ever truly "easy?"  Sure, we love our children.  In fact, I often tell my children that I love them more than they could ever imagine. 

But parenting them--training them, nurturing them, disciplining them, and imparting God's truth into their hearts--isn't always easy.  At least it's not for me...and I'm realizing this now more than ever.

Two months ago today was our return home from China with Jenna.  We were welcomed by family and friends who were so excited to meet the newest member of the Preston Party of Six.  It was indeed a joyous occasion.   But once we left the Atlanta airport that Friday night, real life began.  However, like a new marriage or a new job, we had a little bit of a "honeymoon" period.  The older three kids were off school for the week due to the Thanksgiving holiday, so we got to be home together with no obligations.  Nathan and Andrew were smitten with their new baby sister.  Shelby got to catch up on much needed sleep.  Jenna got to experience what it was like to be part of a loving family for the first time and she seemed to embrace her new family so well.  She smiled, laughed, played, ate great, slept great, and enjoyed so many "firsts" that come with being part of a family.

And in all honesty, this trend has continued over the past two months.  Jenna's transition into our family has truly been miraculous.  We are so thankful to have her in our family, but I am also realizing that the "honeymoon" period is over...and it's not easy.

A few things in particular come to mind: 

Jenna is understanding English so well but I can tell she's getting more and more frustrated with each passing day that she can't express what she is wanting to tell me.  It breaks my heart to see her mind racing but unable to say what she wants to say.  And it is not easy for me because I can't read her mind and don't always know what she needs or wants.

Speaking of wants, Jenna knows what she wants and doesn't like it when she doesn't get it.  I'm thankful she's very much a typical almost-three-year-old (she turns three on February 1st!), but not being able to speak English makes this even harder.  Recently she wanted to bring a hula hoop inside and I told her we had to leave it on the back porch because it was dirty.  She was NOT a happy camper when she saw me leave it there and carry her inside.  Kicking, screaming, and crying ensued.  I tried to hold her and firmly told her "No kicking mommy!"  This continued for several minutes until she finally calmed down and let me hug her.  This was not easy.

And the hardest thing right now is achieving balance with four children who all have different needs because they are at different ages and have different levels of dependence.  Jenna requires A LOT of my time, and that was certainly to be expected.  Not only is she the youngest of our four children but she has also been without the nurturing love of a family for over 2 1/2 years of her life.  Many times when I put her down after holding her, she immediately lifts her little arms up in the air to be picked up again.  And as much as I LOVE holding and cuddling Jenna, I also have three other children and a husband who all need and deserve my time and attention.  So as much as possible, I find chunks of time to spend one-on-one with them.  Whether it's doing a LEGO set with Andrew, coloring with Shelby, or throwing the football with Nathan, I'm trying to make each minute with them count.  But even this isn't easy.

Why?  Because I'm selfish (I'm realizing this more lately) and want some time to myself.  It is hard to be honest and admit this, but these are things people don't talk about when they have children, whether biologically or through adoption.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change anything and I'm not complaining.  I thank my Heavenly Father for ALL the blessings He has given me, none of which I deserve.  But when the rubber meets the road, I am still a selfish human being and it is not easy to give to others 24/7.

So for this reason I am especially thankful for Jesus' words in Matthew 11:28-30,

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

and II Corinthians 12:9,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Yes, the "honeymoon" is over but I am more thankful now than I was two months ago to have Jenna home. 

And to answer my friend's question about this being easy, the answer is a resounding "NO!"  But life wasn't meant to be easy...

   
it was meant to be lived the way God intended.

 
Father, thank You for loving me in spite of my selfishness and my many weaknesses.  I realize now more than ever how much I need You to be the wife and mother You have called me to be.  Help me to let go of the things that don't matter so I can focus on what really counts.  AMEN.

All things are possible

I recently read an article entitled "Adoption Decisions"* about the fact that many wives want to adopt but their husbands do not.  Honestly, I think I could've written the article myself.  In fact, as I read the article a second time, I thought to myself, "This is our story!" 

Two years ago tonight, January 19, 2012, Jason sat me down at the dining room table to tell me that he wasn't ready for a fourth child and didn't want to move forward with adopting a little girl.  Hearing these words was HEARTBREAKING.  I had spent several months researching adoption agencies and had decided on the one we would use.  Jason and I had talked about adopting from certain countries and felt the Lord leading us to China.  And we were finally on the same page with regards to the age of the little girl being at least two years old but closer to three if possible (Jason preferred older, I preferred younger).  But aside from these facts, hearing my husband say these words was HEARTBREAKING because I longed to give an orphan a family and share the love of Jesus with her. 

I sat at the table in tears, crying and in shock.  There were no words to say.  And to be honest, I felt very sad, angry, hurt, and disappointed.

The three "tips" the author of the article gives to wives who are in the same boat that I was in two years ago are to close your mouth, pray with urgency, and wait patiently.

1) Close your mouth.
I think one of the reasons this article resonated so much with me is because of this "tip."  As hard as it was to not continue bringing up to Jason my desire to adopt, I literally closed my mouth and shut the folder of papers I'd accumulated on adoption.  I didn't keep talking about it, I didn't nag him about this, and I didn't judge him for not wanting to do this even though I felt it was God's will for us.  Now I will say that I was too quiet for a while, not wanting to talk to Jason about anything because I was so sad and disappointed.  But in time, the Lord helped me deal with this because I had to trust my husband's decision, as HARD as it was to do this.   

2) Pray with urgency.
While this seems like a no-brainer, praying for God's will and NOT MY OWN was critical.  It is vital for husbands and wives to be united in their decision to have children, whether biologically or through adoption.  I had to get to the place of praying like Jesus, "not my will but Thy will be done."  As much as I longed to have a fourth child and provide a loving family for a little girl in China, I couldn't override my husband's desires and had to surrender my desires to the Lord.

3) Wait patiently. 
Of these three "tips," this was the hardest.  Who likes to wait, especially when you really want something?  Not me!  I was ready, so why wasn't Jason?  I remember on Valentine's Day, Easter, Mother's Day and other occasions in 2012 hoping Jason would surprise me with good news, saying he was ready to adopt.  But I couldn't rush him and I couldn't rush God.  His timing is always perfect, and even if I never got that "surprise news" from Jason, I had to trust God and love my husband as I waited.  Easy, no.  Possible, yes...but only through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Over the next five months, this is what I did...kept my mouth shut, prayed, and waited.  And it was HARD.  Then on June 22, 2012, I was packing for the long 10+ hour drive to Ohio to go see my mom with the three kids.  Mom was very sick with cancer and I was upset knowing she'd been admitted that day to the inpatient hospice facility for observation.  I took a break from packing and Jason asked me to sit on the sofa to talk.  From the tone of his voice, I could tell this was serious...I thought he'd lost his job or we had to move or something else life altering.  But within a few minutes of him sharing his heart and how the Lord had not let him go over these past five months, he said these beautiful words, "I'm ready for number four." 

Once again, I was speechless.  I wasn't expecting this at all.  But instead of feeling heartbroken, my heart was FULL of joy and thanksgiving.

And I had GREAT news to tell my mom when I saw her in Ohio that beautiful summer day in June 2012.

Now here we are, two years after that heartbreaking night, and our sweet daughter, Jenna, AKA "number four," has been home with us from China for almost two months. 

Have the past two years been without struggle?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  God's Word never promises an easy life, even when we do follow His will.  But He does promise us His peace for the journey, even amidst the struggles.

So what's the moral of this story? 

There are several things I learned:

No matter what our plans or our desires are, God is sovereign and His will and His plan will be accomplished. 

As you wait for whatever it is you are waiting for, cry out to the Lord. 

As you wait, pray, and draw closer to Him, your desires become His desires.

And whether or not Jason would've ever said "YES" to adoption, I learned more than ever (and continue to learn every day) that God loves orphans and He is the one who puts them in families.

I am so very thankful that He changed Jason's heart and put Jenna in our family.  It's true, "With God, all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)


 *Article from HomeLife, LifeWay Press, April 2013