Another first…but a tough first.
While wearing a cute panda bear bracelet with her name on it, these words came out of Jenna’s mouth:
“Is this from my tummy mommy?”
She has never asked me anything like this before…and some
questions are simply HARD to answer.
So as much as my heart ached and my tongue felt stuck, I answered
in this way:
“No, sweetie…you did not get this from your tummy
mommy. She did not have anything like this to give
you. But what she gave you was life! Then God gave
you to us, and you are the most amazing gift!”
Jenna smiled…and went on about her day, not skipping a beat.
But I haven’t been able to get my mind off of her question and
my answer.
What made her think the bracelet might be from her tummy
mommy?
How often does her little heart wonder about this woman that
we’ve never met?
Did I answer her in the “right” way?
Will these questions come more often the older Jenna
gets?
Will she understand that some questions have no answer?
It’s moments like these that the pain, grief, sadness, and
loss of adoption come to the forefront.
I knew moments like these would come…and I want to embrace
these moments. I want Jenna to be able
to ask me and tell me ANYTHING on her heart.
I want to share with Jenna as much as I can about her story, even though
there are so many unknowns.
So even though this simple bracelet didn’t come from Jenna’s
tummy mommy, it does serve as a reminder of the gift that this woman gave to
us. Although nothing tangible was
left with Jenna when she was found, my hope and prayer is that the intangible
gift of courage that I believe was embodied in Jenna’s tummy mommy lives on in
our daughter.
And I can already tell it does!
