Your beautiful six-year-old hands

SIX YEARS OLD!  How can it be?

In the words of your big brother Andrew this morning at breakfast, “You’re a big kid now!”

With each passing year of my children’s life, I’m reminded how big you're all getting and how quickly time goes…and that it's important for me to cherish the time God has given me with all four of you. 

So last night, instead of focusing on after-dinner dishes, I sat down on the kitchen floor with you to help you create a big star out of Magformers.  We laughed as it fell apart time after time, but then we gave each other high-fives when the star finally stayed together! 

And it was during these moments on the kitchen floor that I took time to really look at your hands…your precious hands.  They are small like other six year olds, but due to ichthyosis, your hands don’t look like the hands of a six year old because they are very dry (even though we put lotion on them) and have lots of wrinkles.  But they are beautiful hands because they are part of you!  

Then I was quickly reminded that Jesus wants us to be His hands in this world, and it doesn't matter what our hands look like in order to do this.  You, my precious daughter, are blessed to even have hands! Many people don't have hands, arms, feet, or legs...and yet they can still be used by God.  But you, my girl, are so healthy, and even though your hands may have dry, cracked, wrinkly skin, they enable you to do so many things.  

With your hands you can write beautifully, you can eat healthy foods (rice and noodles are still your favorites!), you can throw balls, and you can do amazing cartwheels.  But my favorite thing you choose to do with your hands is hold my hands and wrap your hands around my face when you kiss me.  

Your hands are wonderful in so many ways, and I know our Heavenly Father is going to use you to be His hands in this world that so desperately needs His love.  Just keep your hands open and willing to be used by Him...and always, always, always be willing to let God's hands hold you!  

Today is your special day, Jenna Jean…the day God brought you into this world six years ago.  And although I didn’t give birth to you, this day will always be special because of the gift that you are to me, to our family, and to this world.

Use your hands, use your feet, use your smile, use your words, and use your heart to SHINE like a star for Jesus!

I love you, Jenna…Happy 6^th Birthday!  

Love,

Mommy 

When the tough questions come...

Another first…but a tough first.

While wearing a cute panda bear bracelet with her name on it, these words came out of Jenna’s mouth:

“Is this from my tummy mommy?”

She has never asked me anything like this before…and some questions are simply HARD to answer.

So as much as my heart ached and my tongue felt stuck, I answered in this way:

“No, sweetie…you did not get this from your tummy mommy.  She did not have anything like this to give you.  But what she gave you was life!  Then God gave you to us, and you are the most amazing gift!”

Jenna smiled…and went on about her day, not skipping a beat.

But I haven’t been able to get my mind off of her question and my answer.

What made her think the bracelet might be from her tummy mommy?

How often does her little heart wonder about this woman that we’ve never met?

Did I answer her in the “right” way?

Will these questions come more often the older Jenna gets? 

Will she understand that some questions have no answer?

It’s moments like these that the pain, grief, sadness, and loss of adoption come to the forefront. 

I knew moments like these would come…and I want to embrace these moments.  I want Jenna to be able to ask me and tell me ANYTHING on her heart.  I want to share with Jenna as much as I can about her story, even though there are so many unknowns.

So even though this simple bracelet didn’t come from Jenna’s tummy mommy, it does serve as a reminder of the gift that this woman gave to us.  Although nothing tangible was left with Jenna when she was found, my hope and prayer is that the intangible gift of courage that I believe was embodied in Jenna’s tummy mommy lives on in our daughter.

And I can already tell it does!